I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
