I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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