Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
