I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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