Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
