I need to stop coming to work sober
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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