I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
