Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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