wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
