my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
