I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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