Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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