dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A bitchslap is in order.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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