Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize