I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
