Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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