You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize