Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize