I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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