She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
