apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
