On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
