I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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