For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
