Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
