I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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