they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
