i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
