i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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