i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize