Your dad touched me again.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
