There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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