I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
