Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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