Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
