I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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