also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
