Soap is not a condiment
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize