I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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