you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
