She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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