How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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