you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My ass is underappreciated
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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