Sry I called you an 8
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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