Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
