Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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