my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
