You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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