so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
