the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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