Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
