I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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