dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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