I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
handjob tips. give me some.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
