you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
