My brain says no but my pants say off.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
