Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
