You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize