If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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