You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
