Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
