So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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