i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
