And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
