Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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