So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So many bounce houses so little time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize