I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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