he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
