it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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